Sunday, July 30, 2017

When the Answer Is "I Don't Care"

    We've all been there. We ask someone what they want to do and they say, "I don't care." Then you start mentioning several options and with each option, that person responds with, "No," and then lists all the reasons why they don't want to do that. After a while, the situation becomes frustrating and you might, in the end, decide to do nothing. I get it- it sucks to go through that all of the time.

    Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who answers, "I don't care." Usually, I really don't care, but sometimes, I expect the other person who is asking to be a mind reader. It's totally ridiculous to think so, but depending on how I said, "I don't care," I probably already gave my answer.

    Generally, I'm not a passive aggressive person. However, there are times when I think that we've made plans or I have already given my two cents in the matter and when those things change, when my two cents aren't heard and I'm asked that question, "What do you want to do?" I feel like you just dismissed everything that I said. At that point, I'm going to maybe pout a little and tell you that, "I don't care." I'll let you chose what you want to do and then I'll go along with it. (Fellers, if you are going to ask a woman what she wants to do, and then choose a different option, you may just have hurt her feelings. You shouldn't have asked her what she wanted to do in the first place, but instead, it would have been better if you asked her if she was ok with doing this or that."

    This is something that my family does all of the time that drives me crazy. We can be in a group and everyone has chipped in ideas and then my husband or someone else will ask me, "What do you want to do." Ummm... I'm not the leader of this group. I should be flattered that you think so, but I feel like I've been backed into a corner. Um- HELLO!!! Way to put me on the spot. I don't want to be that person who chooses what we do and then everyone else ends up having a bad time and I get to be the one to be blamed. Um... not for me! I was probably ok with that role when I was younger, but I've matured and grown up since then. I've learned how to share. Hey, who ever is laughing, needs to stop!

    Fortunately for me, most of my "I don't care" moments revolve around deciding what to eat or what to do. Since I have three small kids, the problem is a little bit easier to solve because we generally choose the thing to do that's easiest with the kids.

    Are you a person who says "I don't care!" When you say it, do you really mean it, or does it mean something else? How do you solve your "I don't care problem?"

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Remembering You

I heard an old song the other day.
It reminded me that you went away.
You didn't decide that on your own,
I guess it was time for the Lord to take you home.

I remember all the fun times we had.
Not one memory was ever bad.
Together we would co-conspire,
the consequences were never dire.

You had a quiet way that would fill us laughter,
Your life showed that it was God you were after.

I apologize for this silly poem,
I hope it didn't make you groan.
I typed it out so I wouldn't feel blue,
but most of all to say that I missed you.
   

Monday, July 24, 2017

You Can't Just Get Over It

    I've had it said to me or have heard it said to others, but it is never as simple as it sounds. The phrase, "Get over it" is easier said than done. Unless you know how a person truly feels and have been in their shoes, using the phrase is just insensitive. You don't actually have to use that phrase in order for the same meaning to come across. For instance, "Have you prayed about it?" can be just as complicated and hurtful. There are many different scenarios to where this phrase can be pointed towards and perhaps, we can stop being insensitive people and stop asking others these questions. 

    For instance: Grief- Every person grieves differently than another person. We may try to show our support and want to help the other person to finish mourning, but that's not up to us. To tell another person to hurry or that their grieving process is absurd, tiring, in the past- is selfish. Unless you are a licensed therapist, you really have no right to ask another person to move on. For them to just "forget about it"  is to ask them to cover up their emotions, to pretend it isn't there. That is going to cause resentment, cause them to be dispassionate about other things, and even to stop trusting you or see you as a friend. 

                          Anxiety- This is a mental illness. This isn't something that we can just get over either. For some people, anxiety is a result of years of abuse or being ignored. It can be from years about worrying. There are many causes for anxiety and each is handled differently. Some people might be taking medication for it already. They might already be seeing a therapist or doing their own type of therapies for their anxiety. They might already be praying to get over it. You don't know their circumstances. Be patient.
                         Low Self- Esteem- For me, this is passive. Sometimes I really feel this hurt, especially when I'm dieting. On nights when I'm most especially upset by my weight or how I look, I have this dream where an ex-boyfriend or some high school friends walk into the same room that I'm in. The moment he or they do, I feel ashamed. I've let myself go and all I want to do in this dream/nightmare is escape. When I wake up, I can feel angry with myself, most definitely disgusted. Sometimes I find myself almost depressed for a lot of the day after that happens. It doesn't make sense to me because I haven't seen this boyfriend in years  and my friends have always been accepting.Then those dreams happen and they're there, judging me with looks of disgust.
    My husband has always been very good to me and has never complained to me about my weight or how I don't put make-up on anymore. My feelings all have to do with myself. My case is only minor, but there are women and even men out there who have eating disorders and exercise until they are physically ill just to reach their desired image. Sometimes, your interference can hurt more than help. If you must help, compliment instead of give advice. 

                        Depression- Some people are just depressed because that is what their body and mind tells them to be. Others have had some sort of tragedy or bad event that can trigger their depression. It's better to be patient with them and tell them that you love them and care for them. Ask them if you can help, but otherwise, don't give advice. Chances are, they've already heard what you have to say.


    When you tell someone to "Get over it" or anything else that seems more sensitive, you sometimes come off as judgy. We know that you care and we appreciate it, but honestly, it can make us feel worse. Your intentions were probably good, but if it were in reverse, if someone were trying to tell you to pray about it, to get over it, I'm sure that you'd get annoyed or mad too. 

    Things aren't always easy to get over. Sometimes it takes medication. Others it takes understanding and love. Most importantly, these circumstances just need time.


Thursday, July 20, 2017

Why Do You Pretend It Isn't There?

    The other day, my son got in a little trouble on the bus. I talked to the driver to get an understanding about what happened and she said, "I really appreciate that you asked and are being nice about this. I get yelled and cussed at by parents who think their kids ain't done bad things and acting like they angels."
    I always wonder about that. I mean, when I was younger and in school, if I did something that was bad/wrong/naughty, I knew that there were going to be consequences. I remember spending many afternoons after school for a detention or sitting on the side during recess. My parents didn't curse at the teacher. I was in the wrong.

    Why do parents make excuses for their children? I understand advocating for them if a teacher is just ridiculous, but as a parent, you probably can tell if your child is making up stories. As parents we want the best for our kids. That doesn't mean letting your child get off the hook for everything. If they do something wrong, the should face the consequences. If they got a D on a test because they didn't study for it or skipped school or whatever, don't yell at the teacher for giving them that poor grade. That's their fault. If you want your child to make up for that, ask if there is any extra credit that they can do. If the teacher doesn't have any for them, don't yell at them either. If your child has behavioral issues, don't ignore it.  Let them know that it isn't acceptable behavior and don't give them a reason to undermine their teachers or other authoritative figures by yelling at them, especially in front of the child. There is help out there that they can get if correcting the problem goes over your head and many times it's offered in school.

    If you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who thinks it's ok to call you fat or tell you what to do, break up with them. I know that you may feel like you can't because you "love" them, but you are worth so much more what they give you. If they hit you, leave. If they yell at you, leave. If they lie, cheat, and manipulate you, leave. Don't make up excuses for them. Sure they may have a sweet side that they never show to others, sure they are really funny, smart, and gorgeous, but who cares? Even a bear looks cute until you get too close. You shouldn't have to feel bad about yourself or monitor what you say or always be on the lookout for your kids because you don't know when the freak out is going to happen. That's no way to live. Stop telling us that it's all ok, that you know how to dodge those moods. You may have made them angry, but you didn't make them raise their fist.

    Addiction is, well an addiction. I'm addicted to sweets, but I am always on a diet or something to combat it. I need to stop those cravings because I know that they are too easy to give in to. I know that my will power is 0 when it comes to saying no to ice cream or cake. If I know that I wont be able to say no to it, I stay away from it. I'm not going to Dairy Queen or some bakery where I will be tempted. If you are addicted to alcohol, don't go to bars or drinking parties- not until you know that you can say no. If you are addicted to drugs, stay away from others who also do them. Tell someone, they may be able to help you. Don't pretend it's not there.

    If you have bad money habits, stay away from a casino. The chances are, you'll probably lose more than you win. Don't open a credit card. We always say that it's for emergencies, but that brand new top is not an emergency.

    Anyways, if there is a problem, own up to it. It's there and it can, most likely, be helped. Maybe your kid acts out because they need glasses. Maybe they act out because they feel lonely or neglected. I notice that my kids act out the most when we focus on the others more than them. We don't always mean to, but sometimes it happens. Take your child out on a parent/child date. Find and extra 10 minutes in the day to just talk alone. If you are in a bad relationship, it's ok to say "Hey, this isn't working." If you found them, you can find someone else who is better- probably. Exude confidence and not shame. Stop making excuses. If you have addictions, get help. Stop pretending your problem isn't there.


Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Why I'm Not Like Moana

 
  If you have kids and you've had the opportunity to see Moana, My guess is, you've probably seen it many times. My kids and I loved watching it, although, the first and second time through, it seems really scary, but the novelty wears off and eventually the scary parts are like, "meh." My favorite part is the scene where the Tomatoa sings "Shiny". Every time we watch it, the kids all stop what they're doing, look at me, and then start to dance and sing at the top of their lungs. If I don't sing along with them, they look at me like I've sprouted a second head.

    I don't know if you know this, but Moana is kind of like magic. I have three kids, 7, 5, and 3. When they get into the car together, fighting is inevitable. One day, the kids couldn't stop arguing. Someone was always touching someone else and it was enough to make a mommy scream... Knowing me, I might have. Thankfully my husband had suggested that we order a couple of sound tracks, Moana being one of them. I pulled over the car, ripped off the wrapper, peeled the annoying stickers that are hard to get off, and popped the cd into the player. When we heard the first few notes of the music start to play, it was like the Sandman came and sprinkled some of his magic sand. The kids calmed down and listened the rest of the way to my errand. Talk about wow!


   

    There are so many things to like about the movie Moana; the music, the story, the colors, and Moana. For a teenager, she's spunky and smart. There are so many things about her that I would like to be, but I'm not like Moana.

    1. She's a leader- In the beginning we see her as she grows up and starts to train to be the next chief. She was born for that roll. In some ways, I probably could lead, but I think that I might feel it overwhelming and mess it up somehow.
    2. She is strong- I don't necessarily mean muscle strength, although she really is strong. What I mean is, her grandma passes away and yes, she wants to stay those last moments with her, but she realizes her grandma is right when she tells her that the best time to leave, to embark on her journey is now. She mourns for the grandma, but she pushes that aside to do what she still must do. She doesn't use the passing of her grandma get her out of her task. She doesn't user her grandma to make other's feel sorry for her and do her bidding. She instead holds onto her grandmother's memory because she knows that her grandma is always near.
    I couldn't even begin to imagine a world without my grandparents. The thought is just too sad. I hope that when they do pass, that I can move on. That I can continue to take care of my children and not mope around all day holding onto the pain.
    3. She's so brave- Over the years, and I think it has happened more since I've had children, I realize how breakable I am. I see danger in everything. Moana sails in an open ocean with no land in sight... ummm... that's not for me. She confronts a demi-god... again, I might be a little scared to do that. She faces large enemies and monsters. She might have been terrified, but she didn't let that show. I don't even like to walk down the path towards a lighthouse with my kids because there are no sides and I have a fear that one of them will fall off or I will.

    Many of the things that she does throughout the movie, mostly towards the end make me think that perhaps the ocean chose her because an adult would over think it and give up. Kids are amazing. They get an idea and they just go with it. It would be so amazing to have that child-like faith again- you know, within reason.





What did you think about the movie?

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Beauty and the Beast- Who Really Needed Rescuing?



  Beauty and the Beast was always my favorite Disney movie growing up. Belle was beautiful and she got to live in an amazing castle that was enchanted. Once I got over seeing the scary Beast, the movie was magical and romantic. Plus, you know, there was that amazing library!

    When I heard that the movie was going to be remade with live characters, I was so excited! I had already enjoyed the remake of Cinderella and I LOVE Maleficent. I couldn't wait to see it and as soon as we were able to, I saw it in theaters with my husband. I was mostly not disappointed and the things that I didn't originally like grew on me. 

    As soon as the movie came out on Dvd/BlueRay, I had to get myself a copy so my kids could watch it. My kids are all still pretty young, so we had to censor for them a little, but they LOVED the movie too. My son loved it so much, he requested that we purchase the soundtrack because it had his new favorite song, Evermore on it.

    If anyone knows me, they know that I like to sing dramatically with the music. I was singing along with Evermore today, when I heard the lyrics, "Wasting in my lonely tower, waiting by an open door. I'll fool myself she'll walk right in and as the long long nights begin. I'll think of all that might have been, waiting here forevermore!" It was then that it really hit me; It was never Belle that needed rescuing, it was always the Beast.

   In the past, it was always the women who were damsel's in distress. Even in Beauty and the Beast, to some degree Belle was distressed when it comes to Gaston's harassment and constant pursuing, but you know what!?!? She was the one who took matters into her own hands. She didn't wait for the Beast to come save her, she saved herself. 
   We always see Belle as being held captive in this castle against her will. However, there was never anyone to stop her from leaving. She was always able to leave whenever she wanted to, she even escaped once and came right back after reverse rescuing the Beast after he rescued her from the wolves. She said so herself, she wanted so much more than her Provincial life and I believe that she probably saw an adventure in staying in the castle and stayed because of it.

    I think the only captive, the only person who ever needed rescue was the Beast. In the remake, the reason why the Beast behaved the way that he did was revealed. When he became the Beast, he was literally trapped in his castle. He wouldn't be accepted in the outside world. He also had plenty of time to think of his life, the things that he did wrong. He knew he did wrong and he desparately wanted to make it better. He tries to right his wrongs, but he still has this inner battle. Belle falling in love with him was the way to break the spell, but I think she also released him by accepting him. In the end he says, "I'm not a Beast!" It's just so profound! Yes, he could be referring to his appearance because underneith he's still a man, but I think he was freed by realizing that he didn't have to be beastly just because others believed him to be. It took one person who didn't already know him to believe in him for him to also believe in himself.  Belle loved him, but it was his change of heart that rescued him.

    What theories do you have? Do you think this is true?



Friday, July 14, 2017

10 Books to Expand Your Christian Book Library

 
If you're like me, you love to read... like, a lot. If it's a good book, you want to know about it. Your tastes in books may vary and you might like to read from different genres, as do I, but today, I'm going to give you a list of my favorite Christian Fiction books.

  1. If you are new to reading or looking for something more attuned to Young Adult fiction, Grace Livingston Hill is a good place to start. I've not read all of her books, but I've received many for Christmases and birthdays and I've enjoyed reading them. Some are romantic and some tell the story about how someone came to God. They can start out slow, but I haven't read one that I haven't enjoyed.
    2.  I like to read romance novels. I started out reading what my family calls "smut" books, but I've found that in my old age of 30 and having kids, I now prefer to read romance of the Christian sort. I was introduced to Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers my Freshman year of college. Everyone on my floor seemed to be reading it and I wasn't disappointed.
    Redeeming Love is kind of a twist from the Biblical tale of Hosea. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute, which in itself was a weird thing to tell a man to do, but Hosea did it anyways. His wife was always running away, but he would always take her back. When you read this book, you will see the correlation. It will make you angry and happy whenever you read it.



    3.   The Taste of Good Fruit by Marita Teague- This book really surprised me. I was given this book from my mother-in-law so it was one that I might not have bought for myself and I'm glad that I read it. This book tells the separate stories of three women. Two of them are sisters and one is their best friend. Each one has experienced God in their own way. The sisters grew up as the children of a pastor. One of them is always involved in church, the other one thinks it's a waste of time. The friend grew up in a home that was definitely not idea and married a man who didn't believe in God. You will enjoy reading as they experience God's love in a way that they couldn't have ever imagined.





4.  Blue by Danielle Steel- Ok, when I think of Danielle Steel, I don't think about Christian reading, but this book is different from some of her other books. In Blue, a woman meets a young man named Blue. Together, the give each other hope and family as they both overcome different obstacles like being the only survivor in her family after a car accident and Blue being molested by a priest. At times, it was difficult to read, but I was hooked on it and finished reading it as fast as I could.




    5.   When the Heart Cries by Cindy Woodsmall- If you are interested in the Amish, this is a must read. I was curious, sad, happy, and angry a lot of the time reading this book, but I was hooked on reading it. This book comes in a series and each book leaves you wondering "Why did she end it this way" and demands that you buy the next book just to see how it all turns out.




    6. The Yellow Packard by Ace Collins- This is another book that I probably wouldn't have picked out for myself, but when my mom read it for the church's book club and suggested I read it, I did. It was awesome! It was suspenseful and had you solving the mystery. This book was much different than the romance novels that I was used to and it left me glad to read it, again. The beginning is very slow, but it involves murder, a kidnapping, and so much more.




    7.    Sweet By and By by Sara Evans- As if it wasn't enough for her to be an awesome Country singer, Sara Evans is also an excellent author. There isn't much that I can say about this book without giving things away, but this book is about a couple who were about ready to get married when something unexpected happens to make the piece of cake wedding more frustrating.



    8.   Love Remains by Kaye Dacus- This story is a romance novel. It's about a man and woman who were sweethearts many years ago, but the father forbids their relationship. Years later, they come back together with their hurts and try to understand what went wrong.



    9. The Sisters of Bethlehem Springs by Robin Lee Hatcher. This is a series of sisters and their stories. The first book is A Vote of Confidence. It's about a woman in her 30s who is disappointed with the candidate for mayor and decides to run for mayor herself in a time when it was unheard of for a woman to partake in politics.




10. I'm going to combine these two. If you are looking for a book with short romance stories, I received two of these for Christmas. Most of the stories inside each of them were really good, although one or two of them I probably could have done without. This makes a good gift or is great when you are low on time, but want to read something. They are The Christmas Bride Collection- which has 9 different stories and The Farmer's Daughter Collection with 5 stories.






    What are your favorite Christian books? I am always looking for something new to read!

    If you like what you read, please share with a friend!

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Counting Your Macros

    What does counting your macros mean? I had never heard about it until a couple of weeks ago, thanks to a friend who shares my name.

    Many diet fads out their either count calories or work with your body chemistry. This one in particular does both. You can go to a website with a calculator and they will calculate a "formula" just for you based on your height, weight, and movement.

    I just reentered mine because I'm not quite as active as I was the first time I had it calculated. This is what I got.

    Based on the calculator, I should be intaking 128 grams of protein, 90 grams of fat, 133 grams of carbs, and 36 grams of fiber.

    On any given day when I'm counting calories, I can tell you that my fat intake is the highest number and it leaves me feeling hungry and more munchy because my body hasn't gotten the needed nutrients in order to fuel my body. I might still lose weight because the calories are low, but it's a really miserable way to diet.

    I'm going to try my best to really continue with this even though I'm not a follow through person.  I look at the grams of protein that has been assigned to me and I feel like that I need to eat like a T-rex in order to get my intake, I'll need to eat constantly and it can feel overwhelming.

    I'm sure that you're wondering why something like this works. I'm not an expert, but I have read a thing or two about nutrition.

    Protein is what helps us to stay fuller, longer. It also helps with metabolism because it builds muscle and helps burn fat.
     Carbohydrates- I could have this wrong, but they are like sugar. They get your body ready to workout. They help fuel your energy.
     I know that fats are good and I'm sure that someone else can explain why,  but I do know that fat is also the body's food source and it's important to have fat so your body can burn that and not eat your muscles.
    Fiber=poop. This is how your body helps remove waste and toxins.

    To learn more about your macros, I went to IIFYM.com. it's free to calculate and you can also get a support system on Facebook. MyFitnessPal is a great way to track your food intake and it will count them for you in their nutrition column. I'll be there and I hope you will too!

Also, don't forget to get your free workout plan on Facebook in the Idealshape 12 week workout challenge!

Have you tried counting your macros? Has it worked for you? Can anyone else explain this better than me?

Thursday, July 6, 2017

We Survived

 
  I had a friend come visit me this last weekend with her daughter. I was a little nervous about seeing them because it had been several years since our last visit with so many miles between us.

    This was our first non-relative sleepover. I didn't know how the kids would get along or if our parenting styles would be compatible, but we made it work.

    For the first time in a long time, I didn't cater to my children's needs. My friend and I streamed music through Pandora on my smart tv. We found an old song that we used to always dance to and taught our kids the dance to it. (Strikes disco pose*Give me love, give me liberty disco*.... After that, we put on Nsync radio. Our kids didn't complain. They enjoyed having the music in the background as they did what kids do best- played.

    My friend and I stayed up to almost 4AM before we agreed it was best to get some sleep since we had to make sure the kids survived another day. I mean, someone had to feed them and make sure the house didn't burn down.

    We had a lot of fun and even made our terrible pancakes as was our tradition growing up. Terrible pancakes require that you add all of the yummy junk that you like and eat them as is. Some had chocolate chips, others had butterscotch chips, some coconut, and one even had a piece of pepperoni baked into it.

    Why do we as parents always put our lives on hold for the kids? We aren't doing them any favors by always letting them do what they want while never doing things for ourselves. If it's one thing I've learned, it's ok to do things you want. It's ok to listen to your music, to put on your favorite movie because the kids can play. The kids will survive.


    What have you done for yourself lately?

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