Monday, August 13, 2018

Making Mom Friends

 

  I know that this is a topic that gets talked about a lot, so I'm hoping to put another perspective on it so it's not your typical, "How To Make Mom Friends" type post.
 
      A little over a year ago, I was one mom in a small group of moms for a mom's group Bible study. Some of us had kids in the same age range, while others had kids who were younger or older. We met up once a week and then changed it to every other week, and then to whenever we could meet. After all, we're all moms and moms tend to be busy. We usually met without our kids and even though we, ourselves, varied in ages, we still had a common ground, which was our kids.

     The group has kind of fizzled out. The mom who brought us together had moved further away and another one had had another baby and we just all got busy. We still see each other from time to time for birthday parties or special events like going to the pumpkin patch together. Other than that, and seeing some friends I grew up with in my home town from time to time, I haven't really hung out with anyone else with kids.

      I've been fine with it because it just feels like we're always busy, but lately I've been wondering about having mom friends. I recently started participating in the whole social media blog sharing thing to help this blog out a bit. I've joined some Mom Groups on Facebook and in different online communities and have been having a lot of fun reading blogs from other parents, but I started to notice that my life is different from a lot of them. I've been married for almost 10 years and I have three kids, ages 4, 6, and 8. Many of the moms that I've been reading about are first time moms and newly married. Some of those moms are in their 30s- like me, but I've had so much more experience then them. So it raised some questions.

     What type of moms do you like to hang out with? When I was younger, I didn't mind hanging out with parents my age or older than me. I've always enjoyed hanging out with the older crowd and by older I mean like a generation or more older than I am. Age didn't matter. As a new mom, I welcomed advice, but as a mom of three kids, if someone gives me unsolicited advice, I'm going to be offended. I'm a veteran mom. I've been through everything before and if someone gives me advice that I didn't ask for, I might get the urge to punch them in the teeth.

     

    If you have older children, will you want to hang out with someone who has younger ones? My kids adore little babies and younger kids. Sometimes, I get stressed out because I'm worried that the attention my kids are showing the younger ones is too much. EX: I took my kids to the eye doctor a week ago. There was a mother there with her older son and a new born baby. My oldest son likes to make faces and play with the little ones to make them laugh and so during this visit, he kept wandering over to them and tried to play peek-a-boo. He had a T-rex that he kept waving in the baby's face and I was increasingly getting worried that he was going to accidentally smack the baby with it. I called him over to me a several times and asked him not to play with the baby, but he would go back after a minute or two of staying away. I was uncomfortable and the other mom looked uncomfortable. If we knew each other, would it have been different? It was an awkward situation and I was glad that when we were called to the back.

      I always find myself willing to give new moms advice, too. By advice, I tell them what I went through and how it got handled. I think it's just a part of being a veteran mom. You've been through things and by this time, your kids are pretty much all you talk about because you have, or at least I have, no other life outside of my kids, right now. If I want to punch someone in the teeth, are these parents feeling the same towards me?

      My life is just starting to feel normal again. I don't have to worry about putting up baby gates and my kids are more independent. When I am with parents with one child or parents with little kids, my kids appear wild and feral. My kids know how to get on each other's nerves and push each other's buttons all the time. They also know how to play with each other and get loud. When kids are loud and are all talking at the same time, it seems like chaos and like they are getting into trouble, but I tell those other parents to listen. Loudness doesn't necessarily equal naughtiness or fighting. Once they listen, they understand that they are just playing. My dad likes to still freak out when he sees my kids playing in a room without a parent nearby. I have to keep reminding him that they are ok. As long as we don't hear blood curdling screams, it's ok for me to be in the kitchen cooking or in a different room chatting with my sisters and mom. My sister, however has younger kids and she's got to keep her eye on her kids.

     Parenting is weird. I'm ok with letting my kids be more independent at home, but when I go to family reunions or the park, I'm the mom that is watching everyone else's kids because I know that my four year old is very capable of throwing himself out of one of those stupid holes put on the jungle gym for the older kids to slide down the fireman pole. Everyone else seems to trust their kids more so they leave them alone, leaving me to be the parent who pushes all the kids on the swing.

   

    So what is the idea mom friend? The answer is very complicated. If I have friends that have babies, I will remain friends with them. It won't matter that they are a new parent while I've had kids forever because we already know each other. However, will I feel comfortable making friends with someone new who is a new parent? Maybe.... Probably... I don't know. Are they going to want to be friends with me? Maybe.... Maybe not. It was easier being friends with the moms in my mom group because we moms of all different backgrounds. I got to know the other ladies and it was ok.

     I know that this is all one be jumble of thoughts, but maybe someone else here feels the same way. Maybe what we need to do is to just join a mommy something group and it will work itself out. Or maybe at this point, I should just wait until my kids start wanting to do things with other kids outside of school and become friends with the other mom because our kids are best friends. What are your thoughts?





12 comments:

  1. The mommy friend things is hard. I am like you trying to figure it out. My 3 best friends are single with no kids so it is hard sometimes. I think it all comes down to chemistry like any friendship. We are all busy so it really has to be worth it to make time to connect.

    It has taken me 3 years to get close to a mom across the street from me because we are so different. I think we finally accept that we are both good moms, just different. She does not allow her kids to watch any TV while I unfortunately depend on it to get stuff done. She lets her daughter outside alone to play and I would never do that.

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    Replies
    1. There are kids around here that play all over the place. It makes me nervous so nervous. If we lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone's business, it may be different.

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    2. I live in a small town and kids are disappearing all over the place in Iowa. Everyone does know every one though, and that is honestly annoying because they think they can just pop by and tell you all about so and so and if your kid was bad at school, or awesome at school. Then again, I thought our hometown was small and the county I live in has a population of about half of that town. The ENTIRE county..... not even 10,000 ppl. ugh.

      There arent that many kids here in this town though, and no one goes out and plays anymore, becuase we're right on a highway about 45min from DSM, and with all those kids being kidnapped, its pretty much a ghost town right now.

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    3. Yikes! I've been seeing this in the news. I hope it's gotten better!

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  2. Have you had any success socializing with other "veteran moms"? Maybe you would feel like you have more in common with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have mom friends d fro. My home town that I see from time to time when I visit my family. We have a good time when we see each other.

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  3. This is hard for me because I am doing so much in addition to being mommy and wife. And, I know my mom friends are busy too. I think that you kind of have to plan it out or time will pass by and a year will have gone and you have not interacted with your mom friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! That's the biggest reason why my moms group fizzled out.

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  4. It can be so hard to make mom friends! I recently moved to a new town and I'm having such a hard time with it. Everyone is always so busy and it can be hard to break into a group that is already formed.

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  5. It IS hard to get in! It feels like high school all over again, sometimes.

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  6. How weird was it for you when our kids were together and we just left them upstairs to be little monsters? lol.

    What are the kids doing?
    idk, staying out of trouble because theyre being noisy and no one is crying.

    *starts playing mancala*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was very weird. I mean, you have to be extra careful, too because I don't know how you handle your kids and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable while I'm being a maniac. lol

      Delete

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