Thursday, March 22, 2018

Hi, My Name is Brittany; and I Bake Crappy Cakes

      I don't know if you've seen it yet, but Netflix has a new series on called Nailed It. The moment I started watching it, it called out to my heart and I knew that the show was meant for me. You see, the show is about ordinary people who like to bake, but their skills aren't right where they should be in order for something pleasing to come out of the results.

     We've all been on Pinterest of Facebook and have seen what those cute little baked creations and think, "Hey, I think I can do that! It looks easy enough." So we try to make that cute little thing and it either comes out perfect or not so much. I fall into the not so much category.

      I have tried on multiple occasions- more now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, and have failed on many occasions. Just how many times? Well, you're about to see!


 1. The very first cake that I had ever tried to design was a train cake for my oldest son's first birthday. I found a 3D mold cake pan and bought it thinking that it was going to be so easy to make. I had actually tried to make several cake versions to see which cake batter worked best and settled for a Duncan Hines cake. I'm not a very artistic person, and it shows. The cake frosting started to slide almost as soon as I put it on and the cake leaned so much, I made aluminum foil platforms to keep the train upright.




2. I love Halloween and was delighted to see that a friend of the family had made this cake at a 31 party. This right here, is a Kitty Litter cake. I have made this for many Halloween potlucks and it only gets better each time I make it. For this cake, what you do is make a regular yellow or chocolate cake from a box. Then you can either crumble it up and add chocolate or butterscotch syrup to make it sticky, or you can frost it like a normal cake without crumbling it up. It depends on how gross you want to make it. After that, you crush some golden Oreos and split a small portion into a bag and add some green or blue food coloring to it. The Oreos are the kitty litter. Sprinkle Oreos over the cake. To make the poo, I first used Tootsie Rolls that were molded and shaped to look like poo, but I found that if you roll Little Debbie brownies, they look more like poo. Layer the "poo" in strategic spots and then sprinkle the blue or green "crystal" Oreos over the cake to finish it off. Extra grossness award goes to you if you make the cake in a clean, brand new and washed litter box. It has to just come from the store and a brand new litter scoop. This could be a fail, but I see this cake as a success. 


3. As I have mentioned earlier, I am not an artist. For one of my older son's birthdays, he said he wanted a Ninjago cake. At the time, no one had a Ninjago pattern, so I tried my best to make a cake for him. The cake says, "Happy Birthday" and then "Ninjago" as if writing it was going to make everyone understand what the cake is about. Green is his favorite color so I lined it with green frosting and made little kicking "Ninjas" with a darker color of green.


4. I really don't know what this cake was for. I think I tried to make a second cake, one that was chocolate. My younger son celebrates his birthday the same day as my parent's anniversary. I think that I was trying to be nice and include them in the second cake. It says Happy Birthday and Anniversary. I think it was supposed to go beside this "Soccer Ball" on the side. I made the "Soccer Ball" from a round cake pan and then added cupcakes to form a circle around it. Maybe it might have looked more like a soccer ball if I added some black lines to outline the different "squares".


5. My daughter has been the biggest dog lover. One year, she told me she wanted a puppy cake. So I tried. I used several different cake sizes and put them together. It actually didn't look that bad if you look at the first picture. It was when I tried to add color for it to look like a pink puppy that things got messy.


 6. Two of my children have birthdays close to Christmas. One is in December, the other in January. It shouldn't have been a surprise at the time, but my oldest wanted a snowman cake. So I tried. He might have been more of a success if I had a bigger platform to put him on. Instead, he's hunched back and his hat extends onto a plate next to the plateform.

7. One year, I decided to make a Barbie princess cake for my daughter. It didn't turn out too horrible except the top of the dress is made of fondant. It's not very smooth and the pink and purple coloring is really dull instead of bright. I have never made a pretty purple or pink frosting in my life. No matter how much coloring or fiddling around that I do, they always turn out this color. I do not suggest making a cake from a mold because I don't think it bakes correctly. Instead, I would suggest making several round cakes, stack them, and carve them to make the shape. You might waste some cake, but at least it will taste light and fluffy vs. dense.



 8.  This last year, I tried to make a cookie cake for my mother-in-law. I had never made one before, but decided to try it out. The recipe, actually wasn't too bad. I had some extra dough left over, so I made individual cookies. I thought I would wrap them around the cake, but I didn't have enough to go all the way around. Part of the cookie cake crumbled when I pulled it out of the pan, so I had to add a ton of frosting to make up for it. Like I said before, I'm not an artist, so decorating it could have been prettier.

9. My daughter has really gotten into flowers lately. I decided to take a chance and use my Wilton cake piping set and try my hand at making flowers. They weren't terrible when I started to make them, but I think the frosting should have been thicker or something. The flowers kind of melted and again, I'm not an artist, so the stems aren't great, either.



10.  My son told me he wanted a Pok√©mon cake for his birthday, last year. I tried, really, I did. It is really difficult to make red frosting without it turning pink. So this year, I bought the frosting from a can. The frosting tastes good, but I find that when I frost with premade frosting, that the cake kind of tears up with it and then the cake looks crumby. Instead of making my own black frosting, I bought some icing in a tube. I have found that with those, it either pours out too quickly, or it blasts air from time to time. The black icing came out quickly and unevenly so it made little swirls and waves and if it wasn't doing that, it would blast out air, causing the icing to splatter. Not fun. Maybe if I had a steady hand, it would have looked nicer, but he liked it anyways. 



      I have tried several other cakes throughout momhood, but this post would be super long if I posted them all. I hope that you enjoyed looking at these cakes and got a good laugh out of them. Don't be discouraged if you can't draw or if your baking skills could be better. I have found that NO matter what cakes I made, the only one who laughed at them was me... and maybe a few other adults who tried to tell me that they were wonderful, but I knew deep down inside, they wanted to laugh.

       It's really the thought that counts and I did something good for my kids that they can always remember and look back on. "Remember that time when mom made that cake that was supposed to look like a baby, but instead it looked like a demon?" "Oh yeah! That was the best!" *Insert laughter* 

      If you get the chance and you have Netflix, watch Nailed It. Deep down inside, we are all thinking, "Hey, I could be on this show. I think I might have a shot. How do I apply?" It's funny and I've actually learned a few things from watching. I actually applied to be on the show. There's no indication that they could be doing another season, ever, but if they did, I think that I "Nailed It" with all of these!

Watch this trailer and tell me what you think!

Do you have any cake fails? If you can comment them, I want to see!


How to Have an EASY Thanksgiving With 7 Easy-to-Make Side Dishes

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday (political things put aside) to celebrate each year with your family and friends. When I was yo...

Follow