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Friday, April 26, 2019

What If I Were a Dad, Instead of a Mom?


This morning was another one of those really stressful mornings where it might not have been so bad if I had my crap put together.

My son forgot to do his Friday letter on Friday, so I had to make him work on it this morning. Without his ADHD medication, he's squirrely and has a hard time sitting down to focus on it. It doesn't matter that he'll have his recess taken away for the day if he doesn't turn it in. To him, it's future him's problem. To me, however, I know that no recess might cause other issues because he wasn't able to run out that energy that he needed to run out.



This morning was just a weird and exciting morning anyways so ALL of my kids were bouncing around instead of listening. The sun was shining brightly through our windows, promising a wonderful, beautiful morning, but when you glance out the window, you'll see the five inches of heavy snow that fell the night before because spring wanted to throw us one last snow storm in April, just to remind Illinois that we are not in control.

I just knew that the moment that my husband left for work, it was going to be a morning where we were going to be late.

But! If I would have just had my son do his letter on Friday, like it was intended, we probably wouldn't have that problem. So much of the blame falls on me.

However, the Friday letter got written (poorly) but that's going to have to fall on my son because he was reminded to write neatly and have extra paragraphs. We also got to school before the tardy bell rang (despite the fact that the snow hadn't melted like I expected and the snow I had to wipe off of the windows felt like pushing off a drunk teenager who fell asleep on my car, BUT, at least my car was big enough to power through the unshoveled driveway, so I had that going for me), so technically, it won't count against them.



Unnecessary Anxiety and Overwhelm


I rarely have to sign my kids into school and things always pull together, so why do I always feel so overwhelmed and anxious?

Wouldn't it be easier if I just kept my calm and redirected my kids like Mary Poppins? Other than the one outburst that she had at the furniture and toys that got totally carried away after her spoonful of sugar song, I don't recall her being a hot mess. She quickly composed herself. 


Do you know who else never seems to lose their cool, except on a rare occasion and when that happens, everyone knows they went overboard? My husband. 

My husband never looks flustered and overwhelmed. He doesn't worry about the kids getting to school late or about what the teacher or other people think about him.  The kids and dogs listen to him without him having to repeat himself.

When my kids and dogs look at me, I think they smell fear and know they are in control... those little beasties. (Just kidding!) I wondered how he was able to do it all.

If I Were a Dad

At some point this morning, I thought, "I shouldn't be a mom." That thought quickly changed because if I weren't a mom, I wouldn't have my three wonderful, amazing kids. It's just, I'm not an organized mom. I'm the mom that comes out of the house in my pjs with my hair unbrushed (maybe I have a bra on, maybe I don't) to take my kids to school, praying that I don't see someone I know or anyone at all for that matter. I hope that I can pull up to the school in my car and quickly get the kids out, wish them a good day and then climb back in without anyone noticing me. 

I'm not put together. I'm not Mary Poppins, I'm Rosanne. 

After I thought "I shouldn't be a mom," I changed my tune and thought, "I should have been born a dad."

Which that thought was absurd, too because I don't really want to be a boy, but at that moment, if felt like it would be easier to be the dad.

Here's Why


  • Dad's can be so chill- Maybe it's just my husband, but when something awful happens in the house, like when my oldest slid down some stairs as a 3 or 4 yr old and bit his lip and bled profusely, I couldn't stop screaming with worry and was shaking like I was in the middle of an earthquake. You know who had his stuff together? My husband. He was the one who told me to calm down and I felt like maybe he was didn't care enough to lose his crap, but time and time again, he's proven that he cares, but unless we're calm, we can't solve the problem at hand.

  • People don't expect much from dads- which this totally suck for dads, I'm sure. However, if something happens to my kids at school, I'm the person that the school calls or messages. Part of the reason might because I'm a stay-at-home mom and they (the school) know I'm at home for most of the day, but it would be nice to not have to worry over things all day and then tell my husband about them when he gets home. 

  • Dad's always look good when they're out of the house- Before my youngest was scheduled to ride the bus, I used to pick him up and drop him off at school. There were some moms who looked immaculate, but most of us moms had our hair up in pony tails or buns and looked like frumpy messes, despite the fact that I had showered and brushed my hair that morning. The dads on the other hand, all looked the same. Their hair was cut shorter and even if the dads were on their third day of wearing the same shirt, somehow they just all looked better put together. 

  • School Administration doesn't ask dad for help- "Oh how nice to see you B and K's mom! Are you going to help us last minute to pop the popcorn that we waited until last minute to ask for help? *Looks at my pjs and fluffs unbrushed hair while carrying baby on hip, hoping no one notices that I didn't put on a bra*.... "Um, not today. I might have if I had more warning." From then on, the school sent out a text message EVERY SINGLE TIME they needed help. My husband gets none. 

Conclusion

I by no means really want to be a dad. This was just a post that I thought would be humorous to post after having a rough morning.

For real, though, dads are great! My husband always has a level head in the storm and does a great job providing for us.

This post wasn't meant as a bashing post, in fact, you should thank a great dad if you see one. I'm also aware that not everyone fits the "Great Dad" description. If you don't have one, I hope that you had a great father-like figure in your life somewhere and there's always time for you to either find a great one to marry or become someday.

This is starting to get awkward... Sorry about that.

I asked my daughter what dads were and this is how she responded: Dad's will always love you and will protect and snuggle with you. They don't freak out like mommies do.

Nice kid. Thanks. Lol.




22 comments:

  1. Huh, this is really interesting. I'm not a mom but I can imagine it would be interesting to put yourself in a different position.

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    Replies
    1. It would be interesting, but I suppose God made us who we are for a reason.

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  2. I've had this thought before - well not what if I were a Dad, but how different it is for Dads - even things like the amount of times the kids say Mammy over Daddy. It's always "Mammy....Mammy... Mammy" very rarely Daddy! When something goes wrong "Mammy", when they fall down and get hurt "Mammy", when they have a nightmare / can't sleep easily "Mammy"!! It is as beautiful as it is tiring!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wanted to do a song parody with Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" but with dad and one of the lines would have been, "If I were a dad, I would rile the kids up before bed. I'd also sit and watch them pass me on their way to mom for a fruit snack" but nothing really flowed, so I just stopped. lol.

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  3. So much raising kids. My husband is very hands on, and he does many things to compliment me.

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    Replies
    1. My husband is very good at complimenting me with raising our kids, but if the kids need or want someone for help, it's usually when I'm doing a million things and dad is just watching tv or reading a book.

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  4. I believe it is difficult and unnatural, but this does not make it impossible for us to always give a lot of love!

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    Replies
    1. It's crazy how I can be so worried, disappointed, or mad and still feel such an amazing love for my kids.

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  5. This is a great way to look into the other half's perspective. This is such an interesting topic to talk about.

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    1. Thanks! Many days it feels like my husband has it so easy, but he's also got his own problems, too.

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  6. hehe funny. for all the hardships as a mom, I never really considered becoming a dad. Good that you can find humor in your circumstance. Hugs, moms. <3

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! Some mornings are just rough, especially if everyone's tired or if the wake up feeling more playful than subdued. haha.

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  7. My husband doesn’t get as flusters as I do. But he also doesn’t get as involved in the morning routine because he’s also getting himself out the door. I wonder what it’d be like if the roles were switched.

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    Replies
    1. I miss the days when I would get up in the morning, have time to shower, get dressed, put on some make-up if I wanted to and head out the door. Oh wait, those were the days when I woke up before the sun.. Nevermind.

      Delete
  8. Lol I'm sure you're doing an amazing job of being a mum, but I can understand what you mean about dads. Mine is always much cooler and calmer than my mum!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I think if I had the dad voice, then maybe I wouldn't need to do the psycho mom yell after I've said something for the third time. I just need a deeper voice.

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  9. I can really see what you mean here. i think alot of peopel are starting to wonder about the true roles and their meanings nowadays as dads become more involved.

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    Replies
    1. My husband has been fantastic at being involved, whereas I know that many men especially in the past, never changed a dirty diaper.

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  10. I normally have thoughts quite similar to this. Imagine how it would be great having a different roles in life. I guess it is nice to try something different from time to time.

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  11. Ohh this is so true! Women also tend to lose their identity when they have kids, but men don't!! We take on too much lol!

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  12. Lol. This morning I walked around saying, "No one can hear me or see me. I guess I'm invisible now." Talk about loss of identity.

    My husband actually has friends that he doesn't really talk to anymore because he's a dad, but he's also become better friends with another guy who just became a dad, so that's pretty cool.

    ReplyDelete

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Hello! My name is Brittany and I'm a writer, obviously. As a stay-at-home mom, there are many things that I have to figure out in order to run a house that appears to be more sane than insane. It's not easy to be a parent and I hope that this blog is able to encourage other moms out there to live life happily and to understand that there can be mishaps along the way, but those mishaps don't define you and anything can be overcome with perseverance and will.

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