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Wednesday, August 2, 2017

I'm Tired All of the Time!


    I don't know anyone who doesn't like to sleep... that is, anyone past puberty. When I was growing up, I always protested nap time. Sometime around junior high, maybe high school, I got past that phase and took naps when I could. I usually went to bed around 9:00/9:30 on school nights (if I wasn't caught up in a really good book)  and stayed up later on the weekends. I always had the chance to sleep in on the weekends and take naps after school if I didn't have to go to work. I took sleep for granted.

    I'm a mommy of three now. If I take a nap, it is completely by accident and it usually isn't a good nap because I am ALWAYS aware of what my kids are up to. If I try to nap when my husband is home, it's usually pretty unsuccessful because I always have a kid who finds me and wants to snuggle up close and be all in my business. If I fall asleep on the couch, my oldest and youngest take that time to use the couch as their own personal jungle gym or play the game, "Let's jump over mommy" which usually results in bruises from the kids landing on me.

                                    

       Above, is a screenshot of my sleep schedule based on my Fitbit. This was a lucky week. It shows that I averaged 8 hours and 13 minutes of sleep each night for the week. That would be great for almost anyone, but I'm still tired all of the time. If you take a closer look, you can see little light blue lines throughout the dark blue lines. Those are minutes that I was restless throughout the night. This could be from all of the weird dreams that I have, (I really should write them down because some of them would make awesome books or movies) because I'm uncomfortable and need to switch positions, my husband has rolled over onto my side of the bed and his elbow now rests on my face, or because I hear the kids moving around. The red bars show the times that I was actually awake during the night.

       My youngest son has been waking up in the middle of the night and making his way to my room. Since my husband has to work, I generally find myself getting up as soon as I hear him and walk to his room to lay down with him until he goes back to sleep, otherwise, he will cry and wake everyone up. Sometimes I'm awake enough to move back into my room when he's fallen asleep, other times I fall asleep in his bed and get rolled over and kicked all night. I think with many women, we just tend to be light sleepers and hear everything and aren't able to ignore it- it sucks.

       In the picture above, you can see that I slept 9 hours and 33 minutes- great right? Well you also see that I was awake 5 times during the night and restless 30 times- I was awake/restless for 67 minutes. This is why I'm tired all of the time and I suspect this is also why other women (some men too) might also be tired. How restful is our sleep when we are constantly waking up or moving around from restlessness all of the time? I suppose I could go to bed earlier, but I'm an adult and don't want to miss out on being able to watch shows or play games that I can't normally do when my kids are awake. I get to do so much more when I'm not being constantly interrupted by my kids to kiss boo boos or stop the 3 year old from annoying the 5 year old.

     Do your nights resemble mine or are you lucky enough to sleep? Do you glare at people who say they're tired and have no idea?






Sunday, July 30, 2017

When the Answer Is "I Don't Care"

    We've all been there. We ask someone what they want to do and they say, "I don't care." Then you start mentioning several options and with each option, that person responds with, "No," and then lists all the reasons why they don't want to do that. After a while, the situation becomes frustrating and you might, in the end, decide to do nothing. I get it- it sucks to go through that all of the time.

    Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who answers, "I don't care." Usually, I really don't care, but sometimes, I expect the other person who is asking to be a mind reader. It's totally ridiculous to think so, but depending on how I said, "I don't care," I probably already gave my answer.

    Generally, I'm not a passive aggressive person. However, there are times when I think that we've made plans or I have already given my two cents in the matter and when those things change, when my two cents aren't heard and I'm asked that question, "What do you want to do?" I feel like you just dismissed everything that I said. At that point, I'm going to maybe pout a little and tell you that, "I don't care." I'll let you chose what you want to do and then I'll go along with it. (Fellers, if you are going to ask a woman what she wants to do, and then choose a different option, you may just have hurt her feelings. You shouldn't have asked her what she wanted to do in the first place, but instead, it would have been better if you asked her if she was ok with doing this or that."

    This is something that my family does all of the time that drives me crazy. We can be in a group and everyone has chipped in ideas and then my husband or someone else will ask me, "What do you want to do." Ummm... I'm not the leader of this group. I should be flattered that you think so, but I feel like I've been backed into a corner. Um- HELLO!!! Way to put me on the spot. I don't want to be that person who chooses what we do and then everyone else ends up having a bad time and I get to be the one to be blamed. Um... not for me! I was probably ok with that role when I was younger, but I've matured and grown up since then. I've learned how to share. Hey, who ever is laughing, needs to stop!

    Fortunately for me, most of my "I don't care" moments revolve around deciding what to eat or what to do. Since I have three small kids, the problem is a little bit easier to solve because we generally choose the thing to do that's easiest with the kids.

    Are you a person who says "I don't care!" When you say it, do you really mean it, or does it mean something else? How do you solve your "I don't care problem?"

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Remembering You

I heard an old song the other day.
It reminded me that you went away.
You didn't decide that on your own,
I guess it was time for the Lord to take you home.

I remember all the fun times we had.
Not one memory was ever bad.
Together we would co-conspire,
the consequences were never dire.

You had a quiet way that would fill us laughter,
Your life showed that it was God you were after.

I apologize for this silly poem,
I hope it didn't make you groan.
I typed it out so I wouldn't feel blue,
but most of all to say that I missed you.
   

Monday, July 24, 2017

You Can't Just Get Over It

    I've had it said to me or have heard it said to others, but it is never as simple as it sounds. The phrase, "Get over it" is easier said than done. Unless you know how a person truly feels and have been in their shoes, using the phrase is just insensitive. You don't actually have to use that phrase in order for the same meaning to come across. For instance, "Have you prayed about it?" can be just as complicated and hurtful. There are many different scenarios to where this phrase can be pointed towards and perhaps, we can stop being insensitive people and stop asking others these questions. 

    For instance: Grief- Every person grieves differently than another person. We may try to show our support and want to help the other person to finish mourning, but that's not up to us. To tell another person to hurry or that their grieving process is absurd, tiring, in the past- is selfish. Unless you are a licensed therapist, you really have no right to ask another person to move on. For them to just "forget about it"  is to ask them to cover up their emotions, to pretend it isn't there. That is going to cause resentment, cause them to be dispassionate about other things, and even to stop trusting you or see you as a friend. 

                          Anxiety- This is a mental illness. This isn't something that we can just get over either. For some people, anxiety is a result of years of abuse or being ignored. It can be from years about worrying. There are many causes for anxiety and each is handled differently. Some people might be taking medication for it already. They might already be seeing a therapist or doing their own type of therapies for their anxiety. They might already be praying to get over it. You don't know their circumstances. Be patient.
                         Low Self- Esteem- For me, this is passive. Sometimes I really feel this hurt, especially when I'm dieting. On nights when I'm most especially upset by my weight or how I look, I have this dream where an ex-boyfriend or some high school friends walk into the same room that I'm in. The moment he or they do, I feel ashamed. I've let myself go and all I want to do in this dream/nightmare is escape. When I wake up, I can feel angry with myself, most definitely disgusted. Sometimes I find myself almost depressed for a lot of the day after that happens. It doesn't make sense to me because I haven't seen this boyfriend in years  and my friends have always been accepting.Then those dreams happen and they're there, judging me with looks of disgust.
    My husband has always been very good to me and has never complained to me about my weight or how I don't put make-up on anymore. My feelings all have to do with myself. My case is only minor, but there are women and even men out there who have eating disorders and exercise until they are physically ill just to reach their desired image. Sometimes, your interference can hurt more than help. If you must help, compliment instead of give advice. 

                        Depression- Some people are just depressed because that is what their body and mind tells them to be. Others have had some sort of tragedy or bad event that can trigger their depression. It's better to be patient with them and tell them that you love them and care for them. Ask them if you can help, but otherwise, don't give advice. Chances are, they've already heard what you have to say.


    When you tell someone to "Get over it" or anything else that seems more sensitive, you sometimes come off as judgy. We know that you care and we appreciate it, but honestly, it can make us feel worse. Your intentions were probably good, but if it were in reverse, if someone were trying to tell you to pray about it, to get over it, I'm sure that you'd get annoyed or mad too. 

    Things aren't always easy to get over. Sometimes it takes medication. Others it takes understanding and love. Most importantly, these circumstances just need time.


Thursday, July 20, 2017

Why Do You Pretend It Isn't There?

    The other day, my son got in a little trouble on the bus. I talked to the driver to get an understanding about what happened and she said, "I really appreciate that you asked and are being nice about this. I get yelled and cussed at by parents who think their kids ain't done bad things and acting like they angels."
    I always wonder about that. I mean, when I was younger and in school, if I did something that was bad/wrong/naughty, I knew that there were going to be consequences. I remember spending many afternoons after school for a detention or sitting on the side during recess. My parents didn't curse at the teacher. I was in the wrong.

    Why do parents make excuses for their children? I understand advocating for them if a teacher is just ridiculous, but as a parent, you probably can tell if your child is making up stories. As parents we want the best for our kids. That doesn't mean letting your child get off the hook for everything. If they do something wrong, the should face the consequences. If they got a D on a test because they didn't study for it or skipped school or whatever, don't yell at the teacher for giving them that poor grade. That's their fault. If you want your child to make up for that, ask if there is any extra credit that they can do. If the teacher doesn't have any for them, don't yell at them either. If your child has behavioral issues, don't ignore it.  Let them know that it isn't acceptable behavior and don't give them a reason to undermine their teachers or other authoritative figures by yelling at them, especially in front of the child. There is help out there that they can get if correcting the problem goes over your head and many times it's offered in school.

    If you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who thinks it's ok to call you fat or tell you what to do, break up with them. I know that you may feel like you can't because you "love" them, but you are worth so much more what they give you. If they hit you, leave. If they yell at you, leave. If they lie, cheat, and manipulate you, leave. Don't make up excuses for them. Sure they may have a sweet side that they never show to others, sure they are really funny, smart, and gorgeous, but who cares? Even a bear looks cute until you get too close. You shouldn't have to feel bad about yourself or monitor what you say or always be on the lookout for your kids because you don't know when the freak out is going to happen. That's no way to live. Stop telling us that it's all ok, that you know how to dodge those moods. You may have made them angry, but you didn't make them raise their fist.

    Addiction is, well an addiction. I'm addicted to sweets, but I am always on a diet or something to combat it. I need to stop those cravings because I know that they are too easy to give in to. I know that my will power is 0 when it comes to saying no to ice cream or cake. If I know that I wont be able to say no to it, I stay away from it. I'm not going to Dairy Queen or some bakery where I will be tempted. If you are addicted to alcohol, don't go to bars or drinking parties- not until you know that you can say no. If you are addicted to drugs, stay away from others who also do them. Tell someone, they may be able to help you. Don't pretend it's not there.

    If you have bad money habits, stay away from a casino. The chances are, you'll probably lose more than you win. Don't open a credit card. We always say that it's for emergencies, but that brand new top is not an emergency.

    Anyways, if there is a problem, own up to it. It's there and it can, most likely, be helped. Maybe your kid acts out because they need glasses. Maybe they act out because they feel lonely or neglected. I notice that my kids act out the most when we focus on the others more than them. We don't always mean to, but sometimes it happens. Take your child out on a parent/child date. Find and extra 10 minutes in the day to just talk alone. If you are in a bad relationship, it's ok to say "Hey, this isn't working." If you found them, you can find someone else who is better- probably. Exude confidence and not shame. Stop making excuses. If you have addictions, get help. Stop pretending your problem isn't there.


Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Why I'm Not Like Moana

 
  If you have kids and you've had the opportunity to see Moana, My guess is, you've probably seen it many times. My kids and I loved watching it, although, the first and second time through, it seems really scary, but the novelty wears off and eventually the scary parts are like, "meh." My favorite part is the scene where the Tomatoa sings "Shiny". Every time we watch it, the kids all stop what they're doing, look at me, and then start to dance and sing at the top of their lungs. If I don't sing along with them, they look at me like I've sprouted a second head.

    I don't know if you know this, but Moana is kind of like magic. I have three kids, 7, 5, and 3. When they get into the car together, fighting is inevitable. One day, the kids couldn't stop arguing. Someone was always touching someone else and it was enough to make a mommy scream... Knowing me, I might have. Thankfully my husband had suggested that we order a couple of sound tracks, Moana being one of them. I pulled over the car, ripped off the wrapper, peeled the annoying stickers that are hard to get off, and popped the cd into the player. When we heard the first few notes of the music start to play, it was like the Sandman came and sprinkled some of his magic sand. The kids calmed down and listened the rest of the way to my errand. Talk about wow!


   

    There are so many things to like about the movie Moana; the music, the story, the colors, and Moana. For a teenager, she's spunky and smart. There are so many things about her that I would like to be, but I'm not like Moana.

    1. She's a leader- In the beginning we see her as she grows up and starts to train to be the next chief. She was born for that roll. In some ways, I probably could lead, but I think that I might feel it overwhelming and mess it up somehow.
    2. She is strong- I don't necessarily mean muscle strength, although she really is strong. What I mean is, her grandma passes away and yes, she wants to stay those last moments with her, but she realizes her grandma is right when she tells her that the best time to leave, to embark on her journey is now. She mourns for the grandma, but she pushes that aside to do what she still must do. She doesn't use the passing of her grandma get her out of her task. She doesn't user her grandma to make other's feel sorry for her and do her bidding. She instead holds onto her grandmother's memory because she knows that her grandma is always near.
    I couldn't even begin to imagine a world without my grandparents. The thought is just too sad. I hope that when they do pass, that I can move on. That I can continue to take care of my children and not mope around all day holding onto the pain.
    3. She's so brave- Over the years, and I think it has happened more since I've had children, I realize how breakable I am. I see danger in everything. Moana sails in an open ocean with no land in sight... ummm... that's not for me. She confronts a demi-god... again, I might be a little scared to do that. She faces large enemies and monsters. She might have been terrified, but she didn't let that show. I don't even like to walk down the path towards a lighthouse with my kids because there are no sides and I have a fear that one of them will fall off or I will.

    Many of the things that she does throughout the movie, mostly towards the end make me think that perhaps the ocean chose her because an adult would over think it and give up. Kids are amazing. They get an idea and they just go with it. It would be so amazing to have that child-like faith again- you know, within reason.





What did you think about the movie?

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Beauty and the Beast- Who Really Needed Rescuing?



  Beauty and the Beast was always my favorite Disney movie growing up. Belle was beautiful and she got to live in an amazing castle that was enchanted. Once I got over seeing the scary Beast, the movie was magical and romantic. Plus, you know, there was that amazing library!

    When I heard that the movie was going to be remade with live characters, I was so excited! I had already enjoyed the remake of Cinderella and I LOVE Maleficent. I couldn't wait to see it and as soon as we were able to, I saw it in theaters with my husband. I was mostly not disappointed and the things that I didn't originally like grew on me. 

    As soon as the movie came out on Dvd/BlueRay, I had to get myself a copy so my kids could watch it. My kids are all still pretty young, so we had to censor for them a little, but they LOVED the movie too. My son loved it so much, he requested that we purchase the soundtrack because it had his new favorite song, Evermore on it.

    If anyone knows me, they know that I like to sing dramatically with the music. I was singing along with Evermore today, when I heard the lyrics, "Wasting in my lonely tower, waiting by an open door. I'll fool myself she'll walk right in and as the long long nights begin. I'll think of all that might have been, waiting here forevermore!" It was then that it really hit me; It was never Belle that needed rescuing, it was always the Beast.

   In the past, it was always the women who were damsel's in distress. Even in Beauty and the Beast, to some degree Belle was distressed when it comes to Gaston's harassment and constant pursuing, but you know what!?!? She was the one who took matters into her own hands. She didn't wait for the Beast to come save her, she saved herself. 
   We always see Belle as being held captive in this castle against her will. However, there was never anyone to stop her from leaving. She was always able to leave whenever she wanted to, she even escaped once and came right back after reverse rescuing the Beast after he rescued her from the wolves. She said so herself, she wanted so much more than her Provincial life and I believe that she probably saw an adventure in staying in the castle and stayed because of it.

    I think the only captive, the only person who ever needed rescue was the Beast. In the remake, the reason why the Beast behaved the way that he did was revealed. When he became the Beast, he was literally trapped in his castle. He wouldn't be accepted in the outside world. He also had plenty of time to think of his life, the things that he did wrong. He knew he did wrong and he desparately wanted to make it better. He tries to right his wrongs, but he still has this inner battle. Belle falling in love with him was the way to break the spell, but I think she also released him by accepting him. In the end he says, "I'm not a Beast!" It's just so profound! Yes, he could be referring to his appearance because underneith he's still a man, but I think he was freed by realizing that he didn't have to be beastly just because others believed him to be. It took one person who didn't already know him to believe in him for him to also believe in himself.  Belle loved him, but it was his change of heart that rescued him.

    What theories do you have? Do you think this is true?



About Me

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Hello! My name is Brittany and I'm a writer, obviously. As a stay-at-home mom, there are many things that I have to figure out in order to run a house that appears to be more sane than insane. It's not easy to be a parent and I hope that this blog is able to encourage other moms out there to live life happily and to understand that there can be mishaps along the way, but those mishaps don't define you and anything can be overcome with perseverance and will.

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