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Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Raising Our Children- Accountability Between the Parent and School

This post will probably be viewed as an unpopular opinion. I believe that after a while, there is only so much that we as parents can do when it comes to raising our children. It isn't going to matter how consistent we are with our children if the school or teachers aren't on the same page.
As a child, I was very strong willed. I didn't like to be told what to do or how to do it or when to do it. However, as a child, I didn't dare speak out too much in school because I was given a detention. If I was given detention I knew that I was also going to get in trouble at home for embarrassing my parents, so I tried to keep that at a minimum since I got in trouble at home often enough for being strong willed.

Making a Plan With the School

If you have a strong willed child, chances are, they probably know how to work the system. There are many different scenarios that I could play out, but I think that you probably already get the point.

The school and my husband and I had a behavior plan set into place for our son. When we did this, we all agreed on how we would handle outbursts or incidents that would require some form of disciplining.

Once we got on the same page, mishaps happened less often. However, when we weren't consistent at home, it was visible at school. Again, the same thing happens at school, when they weren't consistent at school, mishaps happened more at home.

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I believe that it is so important for the school and parents to be accountable with each other. During the school day, the school gets our kids so much longer than we do. They aren't only teaching our kids, they are also raising them in some sense. They are there when our kids get into fights on the playground or when something shady happens. If they aren't paying attention or doing a great job, that's when I notice that my son's mood has changed or he brings home a new, unsavory vocabulary.

At that time, we correct it at home, but we aren't in charge of correcting the other kids who introduced those words or a certain behavior that the child wasn't introduced to in the home. We can tell our children that they can't do something or shouldn't hang out with a certain child, but once they're at school, let's be honest, we aren't there to stop it. That's when I believe that the school needs to be held accountable.

Give them detention, make them write sentences, put them in a time-out- Oh wait, some parents have a problem with calling out kids and publicly humiliating them. What do those parent's suggest?

We have an app called Class Dojo where kids are given points for good behavior and lose points for negative behavior. It's kind of like a behavior chart, but that only works when the teacher is consistent at keeping it up or if the child cares at all.

Schools could just send the child home, but sending kids home doesn't always give the child the opinion that school is in charge and depending on the parent, it may not be such a valuable lesson, after all.

Story time! When my husband was in grade school, he and a few friends were doing ninja moves or play fighting or something like that. My husband accidentally kicked another kid in the face and even though the other kids said it was ok and just an accident, the child's mother rallied back and my husband ended up getting an out of school suspension.
My mother-in-law didn't like that. She spoke with the principle and said something like, "Hey! Sending my son home for something that was admittedly an accident isn't going to teach him anything. In fact, he'd rather be home than in school, anyways. Instead, let's come up with a solution that makes him feel like he's not getting a free day at home." It was settled that he would help out another classroom by helping grade papers and other things. He had to work that day instead of watch tv or read books for the day.

I spoke with the vice-principle one afternoon when I dropped off my son's missing glasses. She told me that she has never seen so many misbehaved kids. For my son's grade, there were eight very naughty kids for two classrooms. That's an awful lot of kids.

At the time, my son was getting sent home for EVERYTHING including the small things that I would get an after school detention for.  I asked the VP if he could do a time-out or after school detention instead of sending him home, but the school didn't have the space, time, or resources to do that.

Parent's have also gotten in the way of letting the school handle their kids, too. Parents think that if a child is given a time-out or detention that the school is picking on their kid, but taking away the options that schools have to help correct behaviors has also made it so the child really hasn't learned that they can't do certain behaviors.The best that they (the school) could really do is to take away their (student's) recess, which is problematic because kids need a chance to run around and play.


I'm not saying that parent's shouldn't be held responsible for parenting because it IS our job to raise our children and have expectations for them. It's also on the child to behave well, but there has to be a way for everyone to work things out, too.

I hope that when something happens to my child, whether they or another child started it, that it was handled well and that it gets reported back to me somehow so that I also know what's going on and can try to handle it from there, but it's so important for the school and the parents to work together as well. Last but not least, be nice to our teachers. They have to put up with a lot right now and lets be honest, if you have that you know how hard it can be sometimes to handle them. Remember to thank them whether you write them a note, give them a gift, or thank them in person, I'm sure they'll really appreciate it.

    What do you think? Do you think that the school should have some accountability or should it all be placed on the parents? I think that together, we can raise outstanding children.


  1. I agree that children would do best if both the school and parents were on the same page. Whole heartedly do I agree. As far as schools being held accountable I feel a little differently. It is a widely known fact that public schools often don't have enough funding to provide the proper resources to adequately relieve the pressure of the teachers. The teacher to student ratio is very imbalanced. Teachers in public schools frequently run an entire classroom alone with no student aids to assist.

    Thus, I believe the responsibility lies with government and tax payers to push for adequate funding for our public schools to provide more teachers and student aids so the teacher-student ratio isn't so imbalanced. Once this standard has been met THEN and only THEN would I shift more responsibility with the schools to intervene in the child's behavior.

    Without the above standard being met, there is no realistic way for a teacher to devote enough time and energy into one kid.

    1. I totally agree with what you're saying. In this case, there aren't the resources to handle mishaps except to call the parents in and have them take home the child. I think that schools should get more funding, but the money has to come from somewhere and I am already paying off my schooling.

  2. I think it is good for both to be on the same plan. Also if the child has an iep or whatever they call it, they sure should follow that plan. How else will you know if it's working??? I love my strong-willed nephew. ๐Ÿ˜˜ We are beginning to see a naughty boy in our house too! We will see what the future holds.

    1. Hopefully he will be easy when it comes to school!

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Hello! My name is Brittany and I'm a writer, obviously. As a stay-at-home mom, there are many things that I have to figure out in order to run a house that appears to be more sane than insane. It's not easy to be a parent and I hope that this blog is able to encourage other moms out there to live life happily and to understand that there can be mishaps along the way, but those mishaps don't define you and anything can be overcome with perseverance and will.

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