How to Throw an Economical Tea Party

    I have three children and out of the three, I have two boys and one girl. My daughter has been tired of doing all of the things that my sons have been doing and asked if she could have a tea party and invite her aunts and grandmas. I decided that we could try it out, but if you've ever thrown a party of any kind, you know that it can get pretty expensive to have one.

    This time, I decided to try to be more practical about where to purchase the different things for the party.

    The first thing that I did for my daughter's economical tea party was to create our own invitations. Buying invitations at the store can cost almost $5 or more. By creating my own invitation, I got to be more creative in how it was made and also got to type things out instead of hand writing everything. For this act, I used Microsoft Publisher, but you can make invitations through Word as I figured out when I designed an invitation for the guys to have their own special hang out separate from us.

 
    For any Tea Party, you must dress for the occasion. You can search your closets for some tea party attire, but if you are wanting something new, you can always try out thrift stores. I usually like to buy my kids new clothes for certain occasions, but I knew that a brand new dress for my daughter was probably going to start at $25. In this case, we went to a thrift store that my mother-in-law is always recommending. At this store, I was able to purchase a pretty dress as well as tea cups, a tea pot, and some plates. We bought all of this for $12.  (Pictures to come)

    Since my daughter has something new and pretty to wear, I wanted something pretty too. I wasn't able to find a dress at the thrift store, but I did find a dress at Gordman's for $9.99. I don't even think I would have gotten that lucky at Walmart.

My next stop was the Dollar Tree. I wanted to find decorations and even some gift bag goodies for the guests. I was able to get all of this for only $21. I don't know if you realize how awesome this is. I always end up spending probably close to $45 or more for my kids birthday parties just for decorations and goodies to send home with the kids. I call this a great find!

That's 7 mini flower pots with flowers, two pairs of wings- one for my daughter, the other for the dog, paper plates, napkins, table clothe, pink rose petals to sprinkle on top, two lanterns, two different colors of two sets of streamers, and 3 lizard/alligator things for the boys.  There was also a blue tutu for the other dog, but it fell off before I could take the picture.

    The last place I went to was Good Will for some costumed jewelry and cheap centerpieces if I could find them. The jewelry wasn't very nice, but I did make off with a strand of pearls and instead of an actual centerpiece, I found some flower garlands that I can get creative with. All of this was for $5.

All of this I was able to get for $48. That may seem like an awful lot right now, but if I were to get all of this at Walmart or the party store, you're looking at close to $2 to start out with for each decoration. Walmart sells tea cups for $41.99. I got mine, a dress, and a tea pot for $12.

  I've already saved just by thrift shopping. I could have saved even more if I chose to wear something that I already had, but sometimes it's nice to get something new, besides, most of these items are items that we can reuse if my daughter wants to host another tea party

    While these are all pricey items, sometimes food can be the most costly expense. For this party, I am going to be making cupcakes, some cookies, and cucumber sandwiches for the tea party. For the guys hang out, I will be making Salmon Dip and preparing a chip dish. While it will take time to make these food dishes, I already have most of the things in my cupboards to prepare them and cucumbers in the garden. If you can bake you don't have to purchase $12 cupcakes when all you have to do is catch Betty Crocker on a sale and buy a box for $1. 

    I used to be very against thrift store shopping. I never wanted to wear someone else's left overs, but being a stay at home mom, I found ways to challenge myself to get creative with earning a little extra money on the side for pizza money or finding ways to save. Now I almost get a kick out of how much it cost me to buy a barely used outfit for my daughter or sons. There is nothing wrong with buying something brand new, I still like to do that, but if you can save or up for the challenge, why not save a little while getting a lot?

What ways have you saved? What was your greatest bargain buy?

Why Guys/Girls Suck

    This blog post at first started as a fun way to tease my husband after I complained about some of our differences. I started to make a list of reasons why it sucks to be a woman and why it's better for men sometimes. The longer the list grew with its arguments and counter arguments, the more that I saw how special each gender is and also the barriers that each can face. I hope that this is something that you can get a laugh out of, relate to, and also sympathize/ empathize with.

Why guys suck: Why girls suck:

1. They don't have to wear bras.
    They have soft pillows on they're chest that the take for granted.
2. They don't have to suffer the red beast each month.
     They have an excuse each month to be moody.
3. They don't have to shave all the time.
    They can be smooth and no one will make fun of them.
4. They don't have to experience morning sickness and push out babies through a small opening.
     They get to experience childbirth in a way that men will never understand.
5. They don't have to worry about catcalling.
    They don't have to put themself out there and be vulnerable to make the first move.
6. The kids don't find them to open up a fruitsnack every five minutes.
    The kids like to come to her first for most things.
7. They can sleep through anything.
    They steal all the covers.
8. They don't have to worry about putting on makeup or wear dresses to look nice.
    They don't have to worry about being made fun of or having and ulterior motive for dressing nicely.
9. If we try to be healthy and exercise too much or lift, we are accused of trying to be manly or health freaks.
   Women are free to be creative and artistic. If men are, we are called names or laughed at.
10. Women aren't taken seriously when it comes to jobs and intelligence.
      Men are held as the responsible bread-winner. If we don't make more then our women, we are branded losers.

The list could go on and on. What would you add to make this different.
    

I'm Tired All of the Time!

    I don't know anyone who doesn't like to sleep... that is, anyone past puberty. When I was growing up, I always protested nap time. Sometime around junior high, maybe high school, I got past that phase and took naps when I could. I usually went to bed around 9:00/9:30 on school nights (if I wasn't caught up in a really good book)  and stayed up later on the weekends. I always had the chance to sleep in on the weekends and take naps after school if I didn't have to go to work. I took sleep for granted.

    I'm a mommy of three now. If I take a nap, it is completely by accident and it usually isn't a good nap because I am ALWAYS aware of what my kids are up to. If I try to nap when my husband is home, it's usually pretty unsuccessful because I always have a kid who finds me and wants to snuggle up close and be all in my business. If I fall asleep on the couch, my oldest and youngest take that time to use the couch as their own personal jungle gym or play the game, "Let's jump over mommy" which usually results in bruises from the kids landing on me.

                                    

       Above, is a screenshot of my sleep schedule based on my Fitbit. This was a lucky week. It shows that I averaged 8 hours and 13 minutes of sleep each night for the week. That would be great for almost anyone, but I'm still tired all of the time. If you take a closer look, you can see little light blue lines throughout the dark blue lines. Those are minutes that I was restless throughout the night. This could be from all of the weird dreams that I have, (I really should write them down because some of them would make awesome books or movies) because I'm uncomfortable and need to switch positions, my husband has rolled over onto my side of the bed and his elbow now rests on my face, or because I hear the kids moving around. The red bars show the times that I was actually awake during the night.

       My youngest son has been waking up in the middle of the night and making his way to my room. Since my husband has to work, I generally find myself getting up as soon as I hear him and walk to his room to lay down with him until he goes back to sleep, otherwise, he will cry and wake everyone up. Sometimes I'm awake enough to move back into my room when he's fallen asleep, other times I fall asleep in his bed and get rolled over and kicked all night. I think with many women, we just tend to be light sleepers and hear everything and aren't able to ignore it- it sucks.

       In the picture above, you can see that I slept 9 hours and 33 minutes- great right? Well you also see that I was awake 5 times during the night and restless 30 times- I was awake/restless for 67 minutes. This is why I'm tired all of the time and I suspect this is also why other women (some men too) might also be tired. How restful is our sleep when we are constantly waking up or moving around from restlessness all of the time? I suppose I could go to bed earlier, but I'm an adult and don't want to miss out on being able to watch shows or play games that I can't normally do when my kids are awake. I get to do so much more when I'm not being constantly interrupted by my kids to kiss boo boos or stop the 3 year old from annoying the 5 year old.

     Do your nights resemble mine or are you lucky enough to sleep? Do you glare at people who say they're tired and have no idea?

When the Answer Is "I Don't Care"

    We've all been there. We ask someone what they want to do and they say, "I don't care." Then you start mentioning several options and with each option, that person responds with, "No," and then lists all the reasons why they don't want to do that. After a while, the situation becomes frustrating and you might, in the end, decide to do nothing. I get it- it sucks to go through that all of the time.

    Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who answers, "I don't care." Usually, I really don't care, but sometimes, I expect the other person who is asking to be a mind reader. It's totally ridiculous to think so, but depending on how I said, "I don't care," I probably already gave my answer.

    Generally, I'm not a passive aggressive person. However, there are times when I think that we've made plans or I have already given my two cents in the matter and when those things change, when my two cents aren't heard and I'm asked that question, "What do you want to do?" I feel like you just dismissed everything that I said. At that point, I'm going to maybe pout a little and tell you that, "I don't care." I'll let you chose what you want to do and then I'll go along with it. (Fellers, if you are going to ask a woman what she wants to do, and then choose a different option, you may just have hurt her feelings. You shouldn't have asked her what she wanted to do in the first place, but instead, it would have been better if you asked her if she was ok with doing this or that."

    This is something that my family does all of the time that drives me crazy. We can be in a group and everyone has chipped in ideas and then my husband or someone else will ask me, "What do you want to do." Ummm... I'm not the leader of this group. I should be flattered that you think so, but I feel like I've been backed into a corner. Um- HELLO!!! Way to put me on the spot. I don't want to be that person who chooses what we do and then everyone else ends up having a bad time and I get to be the one to be blamed. Um... not for me! I was probably ok with that role when I was younger, but I've matured and grown up since then. I've learned how to share. Hey, who ever is laughing, needs to stop!

    Fortunately for me, most of my "I don't care" moments revolve around deciding what to eat or what to do. Since I have three small kids, the problem is a little bit easier to solve because we generally choose the thing to do that's easiest with the kids.

    Are you a person who says "I don't care!" When you say it, do you really mean it, or does it mean something else? How do you solve your "I don't care problem?"

Remembering You

I heard an old song the other day.
It reminded me that you went away.
You didn't decide that on your own,
I guess it was time for the Lord to take you home.

I remember all the fun times we had.
Not one memory was ever bad.
Together we would co-conspire,
the consequences were never dire.

You had a quiet way that would fill us laughter,
Your life showed that it was God you were after.

I apologize for this silly poem,
I hope it didn't make you groan.
I typed it out so I wouldn't feel blue,
but most of all to say that I missed you.
   

You Can't Just Get Over It

    I've had it said to me or have heard it said to others, but it is never as simple as it sounds. The phrase, "Get over it" is easier said than done. Unless you know how a person truly feels and have been in their shoes, using the phrase is just insensitive. You don't actually have to use that phrase in order for the same meaning to come across. For instance, "Have you prayed about it?" can be just as complicated and hurtful. There are many different scenarios to where this phrase can be pointed towards and perhaps, we can stop being insensitive people and stop asking others these questions. 

    For instance: Grief- Every person grieves differently than another person. We may try to show our support and want to help the other person to finish mourning, but that's not up to us. To tell another person to hurry or that their grieving process is absurd, tiring, in the past- is selfish. Unless you are a licensed therapist, you really have no right to ask another person to move on. For them to just "forget about it"  is to ask them to cover up their emotions, to pretend it isn't there. That is going to cause resentment, cause them to be dispassionate about other things, and even to stop trusting you or see you as a friend. 

                          Anxiety- This is a mental illness. This isn't something that we can just get over either. For some people, anxiety is a result of years of abuse or being ignored. It can be from years about worrying. There are many causes for anxiety and each is handled differently. Some people might be taking medication for it already. They might already be seeing a therapist or doing their own type of therapies for their anxiety. They might already be praying to get over it. You don't know their circumstances. Be patient.

                         Low Self- Esteem- For me, this is passive. Sometimes I really feel this hurt, especially when I'm dieting. On nights when I'm most especially upset by my weight or how I look, I have this dream where an ex-boyfriend or some high school friends walk into the same room that I'm in. The moment he or they do, I feel ashamed. I've let myself go and all I want to do in this dream/nightmare is escape. When I wake up, I can feel angry with myself, most definitely disgusted. Sometimes I find myself almost depressed for a lot of the day after that happens. It doesn't make sense to me because I haven't seen this boyfriend in years  and my friends have always been accepting.Then those dreams happen and they're there, judging me with looks of disgust.

    My husband has always been very good to me and has never complained to me about my weight or how I don't put make-up on anymore. My feelings all have to do with myself. My case is only minor, but there are women and even men out there who have eating disorders and exercise until they are physically ill just to reach their desired image. Sometimes, your interference can hurt more than help. If you must help, compliment instead of give advice. 

                        Depression- Some people are just depressed because that is what their body and mind tells them to be. Others have had some sort of tragedy or bad event that can trigger their depression. It's better to be patient with them and tell them that you love them and care for them. Ask them if you can help, but otherwise, don't give advice. Chances are, they've already heard what you have to say.

    When you tell someone to "Get over it" or anything else that seems more sensitive, you sometimes come off as judgy. We know that you care and we appreciate it, but honestly, it can make us feel worse. Your intentions were probably good, but if it were in reverse, if someone were trying to tell you to pray about it, to get over it, I'm sure that you'd get annoyed or mad too. 

    Things aren't always easy to get over. Sometimes it takes medication. Others it takes understanding and love. Most importantly, these circumstances just need time.

Why Do You Pretend It Isn't There?

    The other day, my son got in a little trouble on the bus. I talked to the driver to get an understanding about what happened and she said, "I really appreciate that you asked and are being nice about this. I get yelled and cussed at by parents who think their kids ain't done bad things and acting like they angels."
    I always wonder about that. I mean, when I was younger and in school, if I did something that was bad/wrong/naughty, I knew that there were going to be consequences. I remember spending many afternoons after school for a detention or sitting on the side during recess. My parents didn't curse at the teacher. I was in the wrong.

    Why do parents make excuses for their children? I understand advocating for them if a teacher is just ridiculous, but as a parent, you probably can tell if your child is making up stories. As parents we want the best for our kids. That doesn't mean letting your child get off the hook for everything. If they do something wrong, the should face the consequences. If they got a D on a test because they didn't study for it or skipped school or whatever, don't yell at the teacher for giving them that poor grade. That's their fault. If you want your child to make up for that, ask if there is any extra credit that they can do. If the teacher doesn't have any for them, don't yell at them either. If your child has behavioral issues, don't ignore it.  Let them know that it isn't acceptable behavior and don't give them a reason to undermine their teachers or other authoritative figures by yelling at them, especially in front of the child. There is help out there that they can get if correcting the problem goes over your head and many times it's offered in school.

    If you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who thinks it's ok to call you fat or tell you what to do, break up with them. I know that you may feel like you can't because you "love" them, but you are worth so much more what they give you. If they hit you, leave. If they yell at you, leave. If they lie, cheat, and manipulate you, leave. Don't make up excuses for them. Sure they may have a sweet side that they never show to others, sure they are really funny, smart, and gorgeous, but who cares? Even a bear looks cute until you get too close. You shouldn't have to feel bad about yourself or monitor what you say or always be on the lookout for your kids because you don't know when the freak out is going to happen. That's no way to live. Stop telling us that it's all ok, that you know how to dodge those moods. You may have made them angry, but you didn't make them raise their fist.

    Addiction is, well an addiction. I'm addicted to sweets, but I am always on a diet or something to combat it. I need to stop those cravings because I know that they are too easy to give in to. I know that my will power is 0 when it comes to saying no to ice cream or cake. If I know that I wont be able to say no to it, I stay away from it. I'm not going to Dairy Queen or some bakery where I will be tempted. If you are addicted to alcohol, don't go to bars or drinking parties- not until you know that you can say no. If you are addicted to drugs, stay away from others who also do them. Tell someone, they may be able to help you. Don't pretend it's not there.

    If you have bad money habits, stay away from a casino. The chances are, you'll probably lose more than you win. Don't open a credit card. We always say that it's for emergencies, but that brand new top is not an emergency.

    Anyways, if there is a problem, own up to it. It's there and it can, most likely, be helped. Maybe your kid acts out because they need glasses. Maybe they act out because they feel lonely or neglected. I notice that my kids act out the most when we focus on the others more than them. We don't always mean to, but sometimes it happens. Take your child out on a parent/child date. Find and extra 10 minutes in the day to just talk alone. If you are in a bad relationship, it's ok to say "Hey, this isn't working." If you found them, you can find someone else who is better- probably. Exude confidence and not shame. Stop making excuses. If you have addictions, get help. Stop pretending your problem isn't there.