I don't know if it has just hit me earlier this year or if it's because my circumstances have been unusual, but I've been really bluesy, already, this year.
I love the fall! I usually love the colors, the crisp air, the decorations, and costumes. I love taking my kids trick-or-treating. I usually become blue after Thanksgiving. But I've been bad at decorating the house. We just did our pumpkins, usually it's done sooner. I haven't been super excited like I normally am. Maybe it's because I've only watched Hocus Pocus once this year? *gasp!* yes, just once.
For those of you who have never heard of the winter blues, it happens to people in the winter. We're not quite depressed, but more like melancholy. The days are shorter, exercise has dwindled, and the supply of vitamin D that you get from the sun has lost its source. I didn't realize that this was something that I experienced every year until I noticed a pattern. I began to see my doctor during the winter months because I lost motivation to do anything. I was tired all of the time and my temper was short. I had gone in believing that maybe I was having a thyroid problem, but it happened every single winter since my kids were born and nothing was every diagnosed. It might have happened sooner than that, but I was a hyperactive teenager, so maybe I didn't notice it as much.
What I usually do when I begin to feel bluesy is take some vitamin D. That usually helps, but so does ice cream. And well, when you eat ice cream, weight creeps on and then I'm 500 lbs (a bit of an over exaggeration) and then I feel even worse than I did before.
I need a hobby. I'm at home with the baby (ok, so he's 3, but he'll always be my baby- shadadoop awwwah, shadadoop da doop da dawww *insert Mariah Carey high note*) all day long. We do things together, but most of it is what he wants to do. "But you're the mom. Make him do what you want to do." *Mothers UNITE!* I do, sometimes, or sometimes I come to this computer and I type a blog that may or may not get read. However, when you get bluesy and you have anxiety, sometimes you just can't do something. Anxiety is weird. You want to do something, but your brains says, "No. Just stay right where you are. Worry about getting your house clean, but stay here and just look at it. Don't do a thing. Feel overwhelmed and panic when someone is about to come over. Everything will not be ok, but it's ok to just sit and worry."
Nothing gets done!!! Then, at some moment, you are able to push through that fog and you say "Enough!" and you bring out the broom and sweep everything to the middle of the floor and you sweep things long forgotten out from under the couch then add it to that pile. You look at that pile and feel overwhelmed again. You sit down. You know that it has to get cleaned. After you put on an episode of Grey's Anatomy (because it will calm you down) you slowly pick up that pile. On occasion, you have turrets and yell at the dogs because when you went and picked the kids up from school, they got into the garbage can and pulled out paper plates and other trash items and chewed on them under the dining room table. You notice the pile when you're on the floor cleaning up the other pile so you sweep it into the pile that just began to look like something was being done, only to have it grow again. You feel defeated, but hey, you can do this! Just as you're almost done, the kids come home and dump their things everywhere. The baby is so excited, he grabs the nearest toy bin and dumps it. You let out an inhuman strangled cry. You apologize to the kids because they thought you were dying and you say, "It's ok. Mommy is just a little exasperated. Can you help?" The sensitive 5 year old will rub your back saying, "It's ok, Mama". She's trying to comfort you, so you try not to glare at her through the slits of your eyes because the mess you asked them to help with is still where it was left.
Not my house, but it may be if I don't get my butt into gear. (compliments of Hoarders)
I'm not depressed, though. I'm bluesy. They house doesn't always look the way it does. I'm not always anxiety ridden and useless. It's cold outside. It's not like the normal hoody weather for this time of year. We have had to pull out our coats and we would have our mittens if we could find them. (Add buy gloves to the list of things we need.) The kids are restless, the dogs feel duped because I don't want to take them for a walk when it's 40* and dark outside. The dogs get into things. The kids play inside all day instead of outside. Things pile up and we're all just stir-crazy. I think that's enough to make any mommy a little crazy, if not just bluesy.
Do you get the winter blues? Have you gotten them already?
